Jump The Shark (Part 1)

 

Well, that certainly took me longer than I had originally envisioned. This movie challenge was certainly that; I definitely did not expect it to be as difficult as it proved to be. For those who have forgotten my moment of madness, click here for a refresher on what I had challenged myself to do. If you dare, continue on reading to see what films I had to endure. You have been warned...

The Sharknado Edition

Yes that's right, you get not one, not two, but six ridiculous films about the well-known phenomena: tornadoes meeting sharks...hmm. This movie challenge has entirely been focused on the Sharknado series, mostly because I am not sure I can survive deliberately putting myself through any more terrible films, knowing from the start that they are dreadful. Read on for my first part of the challenge.

   1) Sharknado (2013)

The first, original, and some may argue, the best (who? Who are these people?), Sharknado kicks off a (un)forgettable film franchise. The film opens on a ship, where a shark-fin smuggle is taking place. I guess the sharks are sick of their fins being smuggled and avenge their fallen comrades; this being achieved by a tornado forming, whipping up the sharks on the ship, thus becoming the infamous 'sharknado' (yeah I'm not entirely sure, either). The tornado moves to LA, where it hits a beach bar, run by surfer Fin. After escaping, Fin and his friends go to help his ex wife, April, whose boyfriend gets eaten by an angry shark. After several more shark-related deaths, the group heads to an army base in order to bomb the sharknado. They manage to successfully stop two out of the three tornados, but the third one has been failed to be contained. Fin is able to destroy the last tornado with a bomb-strapped car. As a shark has eaten one of Fin's friends (Nova), Fin decides to go after that shark personally with a chainsaw (because, of course he does). With something that can only be achieved in a Sharknado film, Fin enters the shark through its mouth, cuts his way out of the other end, emerging with an unconscious Nova. Once revived,  Nova and the group live happily ever after. Until the events of the next film of course, which may be even more ridiculous. But we will get to that.

Wow, where to start? Let's pretend that a sharknado is a realistic nature phenomenon, shall we, and let's move on to discuss the other elements of the film. Even though it's not the most oscar-worthy of a cinematic experience, it wasn't terribly acted with Ian Ziering as the main character Fin and Tara Reid as his ex wife April. Now, I'm not saying their performances were enough to get me to care for their character, but I was expecting the acting to be a lot more wooden than it ended up being. Some of the dialogue used throughout was a bit painful (comparing a pool of blood to a woman's menstrual cycle was not their best look), however, it was so ridiculous that the film ended up being enjoyable. If it was a one-off film, I think I would have looked back at the viewing experience as one of bemused delight. However, they didn't stop at just one and it was as if the filmmakers had set themselves the challenge to make each film more absurd than the last.

 2) Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)

So on to the second one, which is also the sub-title of the sequel (clever, no?). The film has moved to New York City, bringing with it many (unnecessary) cameos, a feature that continues throughout the series. Travelling to New York, Fin and April are once again trying to survive a sharknado that rips through the flight they are on. During this disaster, April's hand gets eaten by sharks, which also eats through the crew and pilots. This leads to Fin having to land the plane. As a reminder, Fin was a surfer who owned a beach bar, but of course he knows how to land a plane successfully, especially when that plane has been half-destroyed by the sharknado. April is whisked off to the hospital and Fin is left to rescue his sister and brother-in-law from yet another shark infested tornado. The same events as the first film follow, in which Fin and his group of friends try to battle the sharknado. During the final battle, April emerges from the hospital, raring to go after being taken care of by Billy Ray Cyrus. She saves Fin from a falling shark, with her new saw-hand (she has attached a circular hand-saw to where her hand used to be. Obviously). Fin manages to, after fighting some more sharks, find April's hand amongst the fallen sharks (as a reminder, she lost her hand in the airplane scene in the beginning of the film. Just going to mention that) and proposes to April. This happening after the sharknado has been destroyed by some sort of explosion, I'm not entirely sure at this point. Anyway, everyone lives happily ever after. Which, of course is short-lived in this universe.

Weirdly, this film has a higher rating than the first in the series. My one lasting memory of the second one is the amount of cameos, with me saying 'isn't that...?' every 5 minutes. It got to the point that Perez Hilton was there solely to get eaten by a shark, it seems. That still remains the best part of the movie. The amount of plastic surgery on the actors featured was very much a distraction. I always wonder how actors can do their job when being botoxed to the nines, making them trying to emote an almost impossible task. Although, let's be real, that shouldn't be a problem for the actors involved in Sharknado 2. Still, a surprising effort for a sequel, one of the rare times when it performed better than the first. Though again, not a difficult task in this case.

 

3) Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015)

Onto to the third installment of this whacky series, Sharknado: Oh Hell No! (that's the actual title, rather than my thought process of there being yet another film to endure). This time we have travelled to Florida for the third installment's setting, with a quick stop in Washington for Fin to be recognised by the President for all his efforts in defeating the sharknados. By this point, you would have thought they would have come with a permanent solution to be rid of the phenonemon but alas, we would be left with no more movies of this nature (shame). This time, the sharknado has grown so strong that it is threatening to destroy the entire east coast of America. Because of this, Fin contacts his estranged father, who happens to be a former NASA colonel (and also David Hasselfhoff) to assist in defeating the sharknado, and thus saving America. This of course means having to enter space for the plan to succeed; that's right - it's sharks in space! Which turns out to be a literal thing, because somehow while getting successfully up in space to blow up tanks of rocket fuel (just go with it), sharks actually turn up in space, surviving the no oxygen and somehow now being able to fly. While the tanks are launched, Fin and April get eaten by two separate sharks. Oh no! I hear you cry. Fear not as the shark Fin is in gets burnt up on entry back to earth and Fin is able to surf the charred corspe back down to safety. Oh also, April is pregnant, gives birth in the shark and both she and the baby emerge safely once back on earth. The Hoff is stuck in space, having to sacrifice himself to save humanity. Just as everybody was celebrating a happy ending, part of the rocket comes crashing down right on top of April. If you kept up with that synopsis, then I must congratulate you.

Of all the films in this ridiculous series, I had the most fun watching this third installment. It had everything: the Hoff, sharks in space, baby being birthed in a shark and a cliffhanger of what could possibly happen to Tara Reid's character. My belief had already been suspended watching the prior two films, so the thought of David Hasselhoff being able to be taken seriously as a NASA colonel was nothing compared to what I had already seen. And what other film can boast that a baby was born in a shark and have no major side effects from this? Alas, it seemed to be all downhill from here.

 

That's it for this part! I am sure you are all eagerly anticipating what possibly could transpire in the three remaining films. Man are you in for a treat...said no one ever. However, if you do wish to know where the series can possibly go from here, I will be back with the conclusion. This time, it won't be as long a wait as this entry has been. Stay tuned!
 
 

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