Jump The Shark (Part 2)

 

I'm back with the conclusion of my latest movie challenge. Again, if you want a reminder to why on earth I'm posting about sharks, click here; and if you need to see what movies I've forced myself through so far (my own doing, I have nobody else to blame), you can catch up here.

On to the second and final part to this challenge. I know you're very upset to hear I will not be experiencing any more torture, but I'm sure you would agree that I've had my fair share after reading ahead...

4) Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens (2016)

 Let's just dive into this, shall we (pun intended?). Yes, this one is actually called The 4th Awakens. The fourth film in the Sharknado was the hardest one to get through so far, the plot may give you an indication why: Five years has passed since the events of the last film; Fin is living out on a farm with his five-year old son, Lil Gil (seriously). The phenomenon known as the sharknado is officially over, tech mogul Aston Reynolds has designed a technology that wipes out all the tornadoes. He also has the bright idea of building a shark-themed hotel, filled with sharks. Who can ever predict where this is going to go? Fin travels to Las Vegas where his eldest son marries his girlfriend whilst skydiving (as one does). During this, a sand tornado forms and because it doesn't form with sharks at the beginning, it gets missed by the tornado destroying tech. Eventually, it gathers up water and the sharks from the shark-themed hotel gets swept up in the tornado, because of course what the place needs where the world has been rid of sharks, is a place that hosts sharks. Some other nonsense happens, I'll spare you from going into the convoluted details (mainly because I've repressed the entire film) and just skip to the fact that April survives the end of the previous film, now she is living as a cyborg created by her father, Gary Busey. Oh and there's a cownado.

If I thought the previous three Sharknados were difficult to get through and process, nothing prepared me for the fourth outing. Of all the six films, this one stood out as the most ridiculous. I spent the majority of the film just saying: 'No' at the absurdity levels, with each 'no' getting louder throughout. As previously stated, I have repressed the memory of watching The 4th Awakens as much as possible. I can tell you that David Hasselhof's character is also still alive in this one and returns from being on the moon. My lasting memories of this film are cows being swept in the sharknado and Gary Busey playing a stereotypical mad scientist. We'll leave it at that.

 5) Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017)

Onto the fifth film and the end is in sight, finally! With this next film, we've gone international. Just as I was wondering why sharknados seem to be an American issue, we travel over to the UK to see how they're coping. It turns out, not so well. Our two main characters, Fin and (cyborg) April are in London meeting with NATO to solve the ongoing problem of the sharknados. Of course whilst there, a sharknado hits the capital, killing the very atrocious-sounding prime minister but not before killing his mistress played by Katie Price (the woman really needs to stick to whatever it is she usually does and just stay as far as away from films as much as possible. That's including whatever the Sharknado series considers itself to be). Meanwhile, Lil Gil has gotten swept in the sharknado and vanishes. His parents soon realise he's still alive somehow and manage to track his whereabouts using some technology developed by British scientists. Whilst trying to find their son, Fin and April end up getting transported to Sydney (at this point, are you really questioning this type of logic?) where they bump into Nova. Nova brings them to her 'Sharknado Sisterhood', consisting of Olivia Newton-John and her real-life daughter (oh man, Sandy, has it really come to this?) The mother and daughter team upgrade April's cyborg, giving her pink highlights as part of this. More jumping around the world ensues, where the pair eventually end up in Egypt. April uses her cyborg self to absorb the sharknado, which subsequently leads to her combusting, taking humanity with her. Fin is the sole-survivor until Lil Gil comes out of nowhere, except he's not so 'lil' anymore. He's now Dolph Lundgren.

 

Even though just writing out the synopsis of this film sounds outright crazy, I think I managed to enjoy it a lot more than its predecessor. Though it did help that this time, I was helped by a cocktail or two. The London scenes certainly were the lasting impression in this installment, mainly because of Chris Kattan's awful attempt at an English accent. Oh and Louis Spence popping up out of nowhere. It was a shame to see how low Olivia Newton-John has come in her acting career. Again, the film is more memorable for its cameos than its 'plot'; though I guess this one did end with a cliffhanger, leaving the audience wondering why on earth Fin and April's son is now the 80s action star. Oh who am I kidding, nobody is left wondering that.

6) The Last Sharknado: It's About Time (2108)

Guys, we've made it! If you have managed to stick around to reading about the final film in this series, then you may need a medal (not as big as a medal as I deserve, actually having watched them for your entertainment). While recapping the synopsis of the sixth feature, you will realise the title of this film is probably the wittiest they've been throughout. Though it really doesn't take a genius to see where they're going with this...

Earth has now been destroyed by the sharknados and all that remains is Fin and his now much older son, Gil. They travel back 66 million years to find dinosaurs roaming the earth. Gil vanishes as the time-travel technology only has enough power to support a person traveling back once (convenient). There, amongst the dinosaurs, Fin is joined by Nova with April arriving on a pterodactyl, because why not? Oh April is human now. More time-hopping ensues, bringing with it enough jumping from different genres to make me dizzy. The gang land in Camelot, so it turns out the time-travel technology can hop realities as well as everything else. There's some kind of fight with the witch Morgana, before the group hop over to the old west, while inadvertenly allowing Billy the Kid to escape a death sentence. Next, they're in 1950s America, where Fin bumps into his parents before they become his parents. More time/reality-hopping and before I can get accustomed to being thrown into a different genre of film each time, we're now in 1997. Nova meets her grandfather before he gets killed by sharks, warning him of the dangers. The next scene shows us right back to the beginning, before any of the sharknado disasters have occurred. Of course, when I say next scene, I'm obviously exaggerating as prior to this, there's some crazy plot involving a futuristic April, who has now become an Ice Queen cyborg. Some fight ensues and we've flung to the beginning (I totally didn't block this part of the film out of my mind, I intended my write-up to be as much as a jump-all-over-the-place as the plot). Somehow, sharknados have been wiped out, Nova now loves sharks and everyone lives happily ever.

Man, this film left me dazed and confused, even more than what I was expecting from a Sharknado movie. The hopping from time to time, bringing it with a chaotic mix of different genres mashed together, left me almost nauseous. I guess you can say this film had everything: dinosaurs, dead presidents, cowboys, Back to the Future references, more Wizard of Oz analogies. All to be tied neatly at the end, well I say neatly - as neatly as this mess of a series can conjure.

Phew, that challenge was definitely the toughest I've had to endure. It certainly made me regret making the choice in the first place, leading me to cut my original idea of choosing films from the Top 50 Worst Films of All Time list. I'm not entirely sure what I have achieved here, apart from saying that I willingly endured a bizarre film series. And really, it's not something you probably want to brag about. However, I've done it, no matter how much I regret it. It did cause me joy seeing people's disbelief as I was describing the events of each film. Maybe my next challenge won't be as arduous as this turned out to be.

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